where I landed.

I'm drunk, on a Sunday, by myself, in bed, listening to denali. I just want to talk to chris. I want to tell him that I'm sorry and that I miss him. beyond that, well, I don't know. what I do know is that I'm tired of this fucking city, all my flaky friends, this whole sleeping alone thing, and missing my family.

phoenix.

if I ever feel better, remind me to spend some good time with you. you can give me your number; when it’s all over I’ll let you know.

kids like us.

there are so many thoughts running through my head right now and in all honesty, I never wanted any of this. I don't want to miss you, I don't want to be by myself in my apartment, I don't want to be unhappy in my body, I don't want to always feel so fucking tired of what's happening in my life. what happened to who I used to be? or was I always like this? I'm a fucking hermit. I don't want to spend time with most any one at all, except for you. and we all know how that's going to play out. I should just let myself be okay with the fact that you're over me/us/our friendship? did we even have one after the fact? it's funny that this is pretty much everything I wanted to tell you in the letter I'll never actually mail. I feel like everything is falling out of place but I'm not sure anything was actually 'in' place; I think I just chose to ignore what wasn't happening in my life. I wish I could say that I'm going to throw myself into school once it starts and have that statement actually be true, but hey, I know my heart always rules my head. I'm freaking myself out. I'm losing my head. I'm actually letting whatever it was that we ever had go. you're not worth this anymore.