Wednesday, December 24, 2008
home for now.
most days I feel like a nuisance in the lives of the people that surround me. I never realized how completely self conscious I am until these past few weeks. I go into every situation wondering how things are going to end, not how the process can just be an adventure in itself. every action reminds me of what happened and then I get mad. every time he walks into the room I ultimately think about him being with someone else. I want so badly to fall back into that phase of getting to know someone; when every look was all butterflies and every phone call was really just to smile. and all at the same time, I don't want to be with anybody at all. I want to be a recluse and lost in my photos, journals, art work. things used to be like that. everything seems to go by so much slower these days and I need some sort of distraction. I need to stop thinking ahead. I need to take things as they come, I need to learn to accept that if it's meant to happen, it will. I'm filled with this incredible urge to just drop everyone. I've done it before, fallen into myself and music and the library. who knows? I think I'm going to end up alone and maybe that'll be okay. or maybe I can just convince myself that it'll be okay. make believe is so much easier than real life.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
1 comment:
i wish there were more people out there that can be good friends with being there when you need them, having a good time when its convenient for the both, and not have the feeling of letting someone down when you cant see them almost every day. i find that a lot of people find friendship only in a good time every day with that person, and if youre not able to entertain them most of the week they make you feel terrible about yourself and see it as you dont care about them anymore. i dont know, maybe im weird, or maybe i like being a recluse at times like you say. sometimes its just easier that way. but i just wanted to let you know that i love you, and no matter what im always here for you. i want to be that friend that you dont feel the need to entertain all the time to keep me by your side. i know youre a good person, and that keeps me by your side. i hope your heart heals in the best way possible, even though it will take time and it might not entirely. i hope you reach all your goals you posted in the last post. most of all, above all else, i hope you find pure happiness in yourself and life. now, some might say that pure happiness only exists in fairytales, but im one for make believe too. :]
Post a Comment