what do you go home to?

when I get in moods like this all I want to do is read and hold someone's hand and pretend that everything is always going to be alright. you know, two nights before they had to move out he asked me if I wanted to take the wizards pillow. I asked him why and he just said "I figured you would want it because you always use it." and my head was screaming for me to say no, because really, I don't want to remember what's been going on, but to be honest, I don't want to forget any of the past year & then some. I just realized tonight that it's lost his smell. I have no willpower when it comes to my heart. I want to be a stronger person and I want to learn how to put myself first. I want him to tell me that we can be okay no matter the distance. I want to yell at him and more than that I want to get over everything. I want to move on and be happy with who I am, by myself. lately, I just have so much swimming through my head I feel as if I'm going to explode. I miss being an us and not just a me. I just don't like sleeping alone.