oscar wilde.

maybe I alienate myself but I can't keep doing this. I hang on to so much. I let myself keep imagining what-if's, maybe's, and so on. I keep mentally fighting myself to let this go and then I drink and it all comes back and pouring out as if we broke up yesterday. I honestly hate that I still talk to your family, I hate that we still talk often, I HATE that some days I feel like I still want, need you. I hate this with all that I have. I'm not sure if it's just me being lonely or me being truly heart broken. either way, I can't do this anymore. I've continuously tried to cut you out of my life and it just doesn't ever work. fuck I don't know anymore. I just don't know.